I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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