can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
