i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
