Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
