it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
