i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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