her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
