Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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