At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
