Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
