ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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