Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
