Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
