Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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