New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
