Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
