If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
