My hand turned me down
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
