DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
