So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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