you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
