you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
