dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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