To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
