Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
