I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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