I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
