So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
