i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
