My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
