Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
