her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
