She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
