At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
