Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
