Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
