they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
