it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
