I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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