I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
