so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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