just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
