p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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