he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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