The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
