the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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