Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
4 words: hood of his car
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
