The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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