the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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