I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
