I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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